alochana

yes Gods are crazy

Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

Winamp, Galadriel…

with 6 comments

Archana: Obama is this dude, you know

Me: Yeah right! He is to politics what Aishwarya Rai was to acting… I prefer Sarah Palin. And, by the way, that line sounds familiar, and not in a good way at that!

Furious Archana goes for the kill: What do you mean? Ok why did ever our Winamp ji not consider politics?

Me in the ‘You can’t handle the truth‘ mode: Elementary… That was answered by Tolkein long time back. Take this

Written by kowsik

June 13, 2009 at 06:05

Posted in humour, IISc, kboy, life

Kashmir

with 2 comments

Every once in a while, The Hindu shows us why it’s a class apart

Pakistan invokes the ‘K’ word

Special CorrespondentNew Delhi: Pakistan on Tuesday responded to India’s call for the United Nations to act against the Jamat-ud-Dawah and other organisations linked to the Mumbai terrorist attacks by saying it would ban the outfit if asked by the U.N. to do so. But it also added the diplomatic equivalent of a non-sequitur by invoking the ‘K’ word and calling for terrorism’s “root causes” to be addressed.

Speaking at a special session on terrorism of the Security Council, Pakistan’s U.N. ambassador began by saying he was “deeply troubled” by what had happened in Mumbai. “The best outcome of the tragedy,” he said a few seconds later, “would be the resolution of the issue of Kashmir.”

Exercising its right of reply, the Indian delegation responded by stressing the important issue was that terrorist groups had used Pakistani territory to launch attacks against India. “That country must take real action against those groups, instead of bringing up extraneous issues,” an Indian diplomat told the Council.

All we now need is for some one to state what is obviously the subcontinent version of the Godwin’s law

“As any discussion between India and Pakistan approaches a state requiring concrete action, the probability of either side raising the Kashmir issue approaches one.”

Led Zeppelin, I think, puts it best

PS: For full fundaes on The Hindu, read Aadisht

Written by kowsik

December 10, 2008 at 17:16

(ag)Nastik

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Finally, a way to combat Taliban (link source: Sam Roggeveen):

French Intellectuals to be Deployed in Afghanistan To Convince Taleban of Non-Existence of God

The ground war in Afghanistan hotted up yesterday when the Allies revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into the country to destroy the morale of Taleban zealots by proving the non-existence of God.
Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or ‘Black Berets’, will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris’s Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man’s lonely isolation in the universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosophers’ ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.
Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very intense and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated wildly and said, “The Taleban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous. There is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am talking.”
Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man’s nauseating freedom of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred Hitchcock.
However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchmens’ endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area.
Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to the effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe.
Other tactics to demonstrate the non-existence of God will include the dropping of leaflets pointing out the fact that Michael Jackson has a new album out and Oprah Winfrey has not died yet.
This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies to undermine the unswerving religious fanaticism that fuels the Taleban’s fighting spirit. Pentagon sources have recently confirmed rumours that America has already sent in a 200-foot-tall robot Jesus, which roams the Taleban front lines glowing eerily and shooting flames out of its fingers while saying, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life, follow me or die.’ However, plans to have the giant Christ kick the crap out of a slightly effeminate 80-foot Mohammed in central Kabul were discarded as insensitive to Muslim allies.

As can be expected this seems to have been plagiarized by a bit too many people– leading to this header from the author:

(I notice that this is doing the rounds of e-mail and bulletin boards again, rewritten for Iraq. And once again people are posting it as if it was their own work or at best saying things like ‘Thought to be written by’ me. There’s no ‘thought’ about it, I bloody wrote it, OK?)

Written by kowsik

October 15, 2008 at 04:23

Posted in humour

Ayas

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Aggressive Atheism –> Fanatic Proselytism

Aggressive Feminism –> Polygamist Societies

Aggressive Liberalism —–> Totalitarian Regimes

Aggressive Alpha-male determined societies –> Stone-Age

Irony, that’s one natural resource that we will never run out of!

Written by kowsik

August 22, 2008 at 10:19

prakruti/vikruti?

with 7 comments

I find this post marginally insane. For once I have a problem with every single paragraph of a post. For God’s sake… sorry, its author belongs the the ‘God Delusion‘ school, so why bother! In any case, coming to Postdoc’s post:

The entire article is about mother nature being this chaste virgin and how humans, through their industriousness, have been violating mother nature. I know, it’s not a new theme, but when the dude appears to begin to lose it, it is a thing to be arrested, or at least ticketed. I also know that Postdoc should have the freedom to go on a rant every once in a while, this my corresponding counter-rant.

Nature is beautiful in NatGeo. But when you are out in it, it is– as Murphy puts it– ‘a bitch’. When you are out in the wilderness/nature, it is a battle for survival, much as it is in the concrete jungle. The average man is spared the Freudian guilt because, not only has he (thankfully) no access to Disney/NatGeo but also because, he is enduring the battle for survival every day. Only when you are asked to live up to an ideal do morality & guilt come in, this is one such case. I find the attitude in this post to be in the same league as that of most doomsdayers and moralists, damning the entire mankind by comparing it with a dream, obviously we fall short– what chance has reality got against a dream?

As to the balance in nature: I don’t think there is one, if we are talking of a balance that ensures that any perturbation will bring it back to the initial state. I don’t even see the need for such a balance to exist– if it were not for some of the ‘spoiling of the nature’ level destabilizations, mankind would never have come up.

While it is patently absurd to argue that perturbations to the existing nature happen only due to humans, one might still argue that some of the perturbations are due to humans. I agree, but one should understand that perturbations happen, if not by us, by the nature in our immediate vicinity, or at higher levels (nature, as the dinosaurs found out first, is the entire universe). Here is where I find the biggest contradiction in the post. For some one having (not just ranting) serious problems with religion’s views like creationism, the author takes a condescending on the ‘lowest common denominator’ (‘lcd’ from here on). As far as I understand history, human civilization evolved in the same way that life evolved on our planet, survival of the fittest. If we want the religious people to accept and internalize this knowledge in their world-view, how hypocritical would a denigration like ‘lcd’ be? As to whether ‘lcd’ is bad for us, it has been the way evolution happened, and for some arcane (is it?) reason that has been the way progress in most aspects of our civilization has been. In short, if we want this ‘ugly’ ‘lcd’ to go away, we have to give up the present civilization and be ready to live in the forests and deserts (not oceans, of course). Incidentally, all the so called ‘cruel’ cultures happen to be the cultures living closest to nature, so I am not sure if any of us would want to take that risk. While I feel some pain when I see the deserted concrete houses and stuff like that,  a sensible/fitter way would be to try to find a way to avoid that (alternative to concrete?), rather than blame the ‘lcd’s. I am taking so much offence at the word ‘lcd’ because I am one. And I think that art is as much of a luxury as soap-operas are, that’s some red pill that I wouldn’t mind if taken by Postdoc though I am sure he thinks his pill is redder than mine.

Now to the most politically correct condemnation ever: religious intolerance. My only disagreement here is about the effect of religion. Religion does not divide, in fact it has been the most successful unifying mechanism ever. The only problem seems to be our missing the forest for the trees. With religion, you have <10 broad divisions on matter of faith, without it, the number will be much more. If we can’t find a way around <10 broad divisions, how can we manage to do any better in the absence of religion? As to intolerance, it has always been there. Sistine Chapel was in a region and period where there was no intolerance because the other groups were wiped out. Is the author ok with a state of tolerance and high-art if it is attained through a wave of intolerance? ‘IED’-art? Mirabai was a victim of intolerance, I almost fell through the beauty in that line. That’s another probem with beauty, most of the time it is rhetoric, the same thing that the author accuses religion of.

In short the author sounds like a character out of ‘American Beauty’. I believe this is the age of the market forces, we ‘lcd’s deserve better. On a serious note, I think attitudes like those exhibited in the post of interest are the ones that lead to totalitarian regimes, all the while condemning it in letter.

PS 1: I have serious problems with the abuse of the word ‘beauty’, in a way not much different from Postdoc having problems with the abuse of nature– just as we are a part of nature, part of beauty lies in our gray matter.

PS 2: In my opinion ‘art’ is a corrupted spelling for a word that should be pronounced with f-silent. We all know what they say about opinions, we can leave it at that

Written by kowsik

August 3, 2008 at 09:13

Adhah

with 8 comments

I think we, as a nation, are in our teens. Like teenagers, we hate everyone and everything related to us. We are desperate to be like others, and just like teenagers, for all the wrong reasons.

What do we hate (some favourites):

1) Our culture: Our hatred for our culture is comprehensive. As one might suspect, comprehensive feeling is not possible with even an iota of knowledge. Sure enough, we know nothing of our culture, and we reserve the best of our efforts to maintain it that way. What peripheral knowledge we do have is what is taught by those who make careers out of scandalizing the sacred, who we love for making our job easier (and hate for being such smart-asses).

2) Our origins: By this, I mean our independence and related events/personalities. Here our feelings are not as comprehensive as those concerning our culture. Though this might hint at the prevalence of some knowledge, the actual reason is our confusion as to whom to hate. For example, our understanding of the entire freedom movement and initial few years of independent India can be summed by the question: “Gandhi or Nehru, who should we hate more?” For the life of ours, we can’t imagine how Nehru could’ve screwed-up so much, further we have more difficulty in pointing out the issues where he screwed-up. For that we need to know our past, which is not a fashionable thing to do anyway! Had Patel lived a bit longer, we would be hating him too, we mildly dislike him now for denying us that opportunity.

3) Ourselves: We hate ourselves. Actually we don’t have the courage to admit it, so we claim to hate the junta. We wish we were born taller, stronger, fairer, wiser etc, all without having to change anything about ourselves. As Calvin says, we don’t want to think that we don’t deserve something.

4) Our leaders: “Our leaders are above us, not by raising higher but by crushing us to the bottom.” That, in short, is our opinion of our leaders. If there is one thing that every single Indian is convinced of, it is that we deserve better leaders (whatever that should mean!) Our hatred for our leaders raises to such an extent during elections that, we refuse to vote. Not surprisingly they never leave us.

5) USA: Odd one out actually. Poor Americans definitely don’t deserve to be hated and ridiculed by us, if only they hadn’t committed the unpardonable sin: being what we dream of being. We hate them so much, that we have started loving the British, so much so that we never miss a chance to point out how British our English is, unlike the Americans’… I know, it’s a tough world for dreamers!

The list of course is much longer, the above few are some personal favourites. We blame all the above for the source of all our problems. Not so surprisingly, we are not sure about who is to blame for what! There does exist a brighter side to this: we can’t get worse, so the only way things can change is for the better.

Written by kowsik

July 8, 2008 at 10:04

RUNga

with 2 comments

Fear not, good news has come: Balayya is back. After killing half of AP in his movies (and there-by losing all his fan-base), he has decided to take on immortal (no-more mortal) targets, like his dad (NTR!) Such is his efficiency these days that he deserves the title, “Yamaia!” In what can only be his ingenious solution to the global warming, he has decided to transmit the excess heat released by mankind to revv-up the Earth, rather than warm it. By remaking this old devotional movie that NTR seems to have done a good job in, he has made sure that his dad is spinning crazy in his grave. The visible effects of this eccentricity seem to be the recent quakes in China. Strange are the ways of Balayya…

Back to the title, ob’ly I couldn’t stop myself from youtubing… and found this GEM from the original:

The opening lines mean, “It’s a leather bag with nine holes, whose collapse is certain. So, realize the danger (you fools)…”. These guys talk like leather merchants but, I have a feeling that they are not! Beyond the not-so obvious metaphysical interpretations of their song, I think there is a profound issue being demonstrated in this video. I haven’t seen the movie but, thanks to my grand-mom, I have a vague outline of this story: “Dude is shown THE path that leads to liberation by his parents but, as do all of us, follows the road of excess that surely must lead to the palace of wisdom (but doesn’t, as concluded by a certain William Blake)… As with any such story this involves his transformation from the dark side to the way of the force. The dudes in this video most probably give the much needed force for this change.”

Now, to the issue: In most stories there is a pattern, at the beginning things are in a reasonable state. Progressively things get worse and then, there enter a few characters whose sole purpose in the story is to the throw light upon the change of outlook needed by the protagonists to overcome the sad state. This makes sense too, as most of us do have someone or other pointing out something ‘wierd’ that we keep doing when we are down. Among literary examples, Siddhartha had his Gautama, Philip had his Cronshaw… the crudest examples being the ‘inspirational speech’ givers in most of the sports and rebellion movies (Independece Day?) The best that Hollywood ever managed was Captain Koons

I agree that this is a well composed satire on what has been their foreign policy and all that, but it is not the best in this category. The best, of course, are in old telugu movies: the wandering rock-stars like those in the above clip. They are awesome, and That is the truth.

Written by kowsik

June 26, 2008 at 11:37

Posted in civilization, humour, life, theory

Tagged with

karma

with 4 comments

Occasionally, only occasionally, people forget being fake; and only in a few among those rare occasions they speak what they think

Sharon Stone rules! If only her career was as good as her debut… may be that’s asking for too much

As can be expected, a billion-plus Chinese are hurt because of the “cold-bloodedness” of truth, something that goes contrary to what their government wants them to believe. Worse is what the PC media will do to her…

Written by kowsik

May 29, 2008 at 07:29

Maaya

with 6 comments

As Kboy reminded me sometime back

दैवी ह्येषा गुणमयी मम माया दुरत्यया ।

मामेव ये प्रपद्यन्ते मायामेतां तरन्ति ते ॥७- १४

Every time I come across a reference to Advaita, I am carried away for a while along a tangent. Surprisingly it’s never the philosophy itself that is the subject, nor are the tangents themselves of similar terrain.

One of the navigable tangents has been the question about nature and its own nature. While the former itself is obviously(?) as real as our own physical self, what about the nature of nature (its features/characteristics…) Is it what we believe it is? Even our most logically proven beliefs are overturned every once in a while, so how real is the reality that we are concerned about? A familiar example is of our beliefs about Earth (its nature) and its neighbors (planets/stars) It’s not that our beliefs turn out to be erroneous only regarding the issues that do not directly concern us, far from it their occurrence is relatively rare when compared to how often our beliefs about ourselves (& our surroundings) turn out to be mere delusions. Self-interest is often given as an excuse for our blindness to the obvious, but its obvious implications make it almost improbable to be accepted by any one. Either that is the case, or the reason might be a slightly different manifestation of the same root cause. Looking around, while drifting tangentially, I was suddenly faced with the possibility that we fail to see the obvious because we do not bother to see it. Either it’s our apathy, or we might actually be blind. Since self-interest prevents us from accepting the latter, we can conveniently stick to the theory that we are so obsessed with making up theories about what we look at that we miss out on actually seeing what is around us.

Proof: As people have been repeating for quite some time, `The proof of the pudding lies in eating it.’ In a similar fashion, the proof for the above theory lies in the burnt vegetables in my kitchen!

PS: There was a painful tangent too: there was an earlier attempt to make up a seemingly absurd theory whose absurdity was limited to ‘seemingly’. As should be obvious by the absence of its records, it didn’t go well!

Written by kowsik

January 15, 2008 at 10:50

Pranayama

with 3 comments

Aap Ka Surroor– The Review

The short version:

Awesome!

Plan 9… is history, His Story is the new story.”
Beyond the realms of Satyajit Ray begin those of HR. Ray had vision, Reshammia has camera.

The trouser version:

Any discussion about this movie is meaningless without some background. In the recent past the German government allowed the filming of two foreign movie series’s on its soil. Jason Bourne series was one, Chronicles of Himesji being the other. Rumour has it that opinion was divided as to which was the right decision. Officially it still is.

Barring his countless die-hard fans, many seem to have failed to get the point behind this Pranayama. This post exists not because of any social-service streak, but the kick of God that I experienced in my sleep for not sharing the enlightenment that dawned on me during the course of this movie with those who are still in the dark. Wisdom seems to be too hot to be handled by one person, or as Himesji says, ” ”

The movie has many threads, and unlike the more famous Almodovar’s movies, their connection is not apparent till the end of the movie… and even at the end, unlike with Almodovar, the connection doesn’t strike the viewer immediately. This has nothing to do with the many questions raised in the movie, nor with the innumerable explanations for things otherwise inexplicable… and finally it has nothing to do with the elusive Aryan wet-dream of Himmmmler. Infinite threads, He is not in any of them. He is not a collection of threads, He is the Occam’s razor that cuts them, and how He cuts!

While Himesji keeps the movie alive on his own nose, the elusive connection keeps the viewer alert. The search continues through out the movie, so much stuff thrown in, so few explanations in the mind’s reach… when Himesji speaks, Tarantino shuts up, what chance has Almodovar got? The end comes and the end passes, you rewind the movie… after a couple of attempts, when the titles are running over the dark screen and when your finger unconsciously is about to reach the eject button, it is then that you see your reflection on the screen. You stupid moron, YOU!!!

PS: Yes, Himesji sings all the songs, even when the voice sounds feminine, it is not, it’s just Hisssmmaya misleading our ears.
PS2: Himesji rocks, in the same way as Aishwarya Rai (rai means stone in my mother tongue, coincidence?)

Written by kowsik

July 28, 2007 at 05:50